Sunday, November 16, 2008

To illustrate the *ahem* uniqueness of the respective stores, I will list a quick and easy-to-read guide:

"a rush" QUEEN ST- A mass of customers that swell at peak times causing a delay in service, usually around the mornings.

MAIN ST- Anything more than three people.

"offensive music"
MAIN ST- Anything with swearing or anything derogatory

QUEEN ST- We haven't found anything yet.

"I'm going to get food"
MAIN ST- Going next door to James' apartment and looking real sad.

QUEEN ST- I'm going to Reliable.

"I'd like a regular coffee please"
MAIN ST- "Would you like a press or an americano?"


QUEEN ST- This one time I was offered a blowjob for 20 bucks

MAIN ST- This one time someone asked me how I was doing.

QUEEN ST- 4 people behind the counter and no room to fart

MAIN ST- 1 person at 5 pm on a weekday

"being edgy"
QUEEN ST- Calling a customer an asshole out loud and having them laugh at it

MAIN ST- Eye contact

Thanks for reading.


T.A.N. Toronto said...

This was good. Typical day here at T.A.N.:

Customer: "Can I get a decaf coffee please?"

Me (not looking up from my laptop): "No, asshole."

Then laughs all around.

Nicholas said...

Are we really so bad up here on Main Street?

Anonymous said...


Mercury Espresso Bar said...

Alright Queen Street.... I guess this means war...

John said...


Queen - Someone who makes coffee and is in an experimental noise band.

Main - Someone who makes coffee and is mind-blowingly good looking.

morningglory said...

Ordering from Morning Glory

Queen - "Hey can we get 2 Tuesdays, one with rosti on the side the other with rosti in it, a PB no olives, onions tomato, aoili, greens, cheese or sundried tomatoes, a BLT no lettuce and mustard instead of ketchup with a sied of scrambled egg-shells on, extra ketchup, a side of everything for Alex..."

Main - "food? awesome!"