Hey.
It's friday night.
It feels like the surface of the moon down here at mercury on queen street.
Cold.
Desolate.
Devoid of any life.
What are you, as a customer, a regular, an astronaut going to do to rectify this?
This is a problem. Don't tell anyone. But I have just found a way to freeze-dry espresso. One catch- it comes in a tic-tac container and tastes like oranges.
Are you in?
Bring me a sandwich.
Just kidding, I have no need for a sandwich.
Here's something for you to gawk at:


Yah!
mercury fun club!!!
Peace guys!

lethargic peace!

goodbye!
sayonara!

matt

We are coming at you from a wireless keyboard! Wireless ! Keybooard ! ! ! Nice huh? Today's hot topics include:
-living in a post apocalyptic wasteland
-espresso skate video
-pulling shots with our eyes closed
-glimmering spokes on bikes
-free shirt that may be too small for me
If you are interested in any of these things, you might want to look at the picture below:

HOW DO YOU LIKE THEM APPLES?
OH DO YOU LIKE ORANGES? EXCUSE ME, PAL. i DON'T BELIEVE YOU'RE IN A POSITION TO CALL THE SHOTS HERE!


ANYWAY, NOW THAT I HAVE ACHIEVED SOME LEVEL OF FEROCITY I AM CONFIDENT ENOUGH TO TELL YOU THAT I AM PULLING MAD-BANGER SHOTS TODAY SO COME ON DOWN AND LET ME SELL YOU SOME OF THE GOOD SHIT!!!

-MATT

here's alex:

In regards to:

'living in a post-apocalyptic world' - What would your parents do? Would you be with them? Or leave them to fend for themselves? Are jet-pack gangs a good idea?

'espresso skate videos' - Dumbest thing ever?

'pulling shots with your eyes closed'- Really? I mean, REALLY?

'glimmering spokes on bikes'- I'm just not getting my hopes up yet. Not until I ride to work in cut-offs.

'free t-shirt that may be too small for Davey'- No one needs that.


And see-ya.

i love crazy people... i think. crazy people who drink coffee are amazing because the caffeine gets them all riled up and excited and next thing you know they are telling you about their daughters' car that was broken into and they could have killed her, not to mention that all the bums and homeless are ready to strike any chance they get because theyre desperate because there's a global recession and god only knows what will happen next... aww geeze. if your day has been fairly boring so far, i suggest you come to mercury immediately.

hi. i'm hailey and i work at mercury. oh, and i'm awesome. well, i don't know, perhaps i am. you can come in and see for yourself.

hi. ok, so, this is my first blog becauseee, i'm new. it's my third day and i can kinda make a heart now. well, more of a deflating floating heart- like the one on kanye's heartbreak and 808's cd? yeah, like that. soo, come on by, visit me. i'm really nice. really. so, if you've ever walked by and asked yourself, "hey. that place looks cool. and the girl in there also looks cool", why not come in and say hey. in fact, don't just say hey, wave, or, do a lil dance- it'll brighten my dayy. just like i'll brighten yours with a deflated heart latte =) oh. and even if you don't decide to come in today, do a lil dance in front of the window anyway, i'll wave back.

Here's some news, our loverly barista, John, will be leaving us this Friday. We will miss his delicious bevies and lustrous beard. He is moving on to clear pastures of guitar lessons and musical sunsets. As John rides his bike into the dusk, Running Down A Dream by Tom Petty will be faintly heard in the background. Goodbye John...

---

woooooooooossssssshhhhhhhhhh!

phhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhht

ssiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiifffff

rrrrrrrrhhhhhghghhhghghhghgh

pifffffffffffffffshhhhhhaaaa

behhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

awoooooooooooooooooooooooooo

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One day without a Mercury Coffee..... Need I say more?

FIRING BAKALAK

Yo if Zielinski's on tha mic then i gotta ATTACK
i say the way a shot should be is OVERPACKED
dense puck, fine ass grinds to be EXACT
groomed clean, tamped firm, busta never RELAX
here's the TRUTH of your SCOOP styles NINCOMPOOP
my steez rocks three piece SUITS yours is gross HIRSUTE
never call me to a battle cause I'll take the LOOT

GUYS.
THIS MORNING I WAS PRIVY TO A RARE PHENOMENON. AS PER USUAL, I PRANCED INTO WORK IN MY PECULIAR WAY, BUT SOMETHING WAS DIFFERENT. THE AURA OF MERCURY ESPRESSO BAR HAD CHANGED.
I REACHED FOR MY CARBON-ALLOY, THRICE FORTIFIED, TITANIUM CORE SYNESSO PORTA-FILTER, DOSED MYSELF A SHOT, AND LOADED IT INTO THE ESPRESSO INITIATION VESSEL.

WHAT I WOULD SEE NEXT WOULD CHANGE MY LIFE FOREVER.

THAT'S RIGHT. I WITNESSED THE RECURSION OF A SHOT OF ESPRESSO WITHIN ITSELF. NOTHING COULD HAVE PREPARED ME FOR THIS!
I EXPECTED TO SAUNTER INTO WORK AND DO EVERYTHING ACCORDING TO MY REGIMENTED ROUTINE, BUT THIS RARE SPECTACLE HAS ENABLED ME TO SEE THINGS IN A DIFFERENT LIGHT. THIS ENRICHING EXPERIENCE HAS AWAKENED THE ESPRESSO BEAST WITHIN ME AND I NOW FEEL CONFIDENT AS A CONTENDER IN THE ESPRESSO BATTLE.

DAMIEN.

THIS IS A RESPONSE TO YOUR CHALLENGE.
I ACCEPT!

G'day! G'day!

This weeks feature coffee on press up here on Main Street: Tanzania Peaberry-Northern Burka Estate, as roasted by Dark City Coffee Company. The general consensus? A well balanced cup with notes of apples and chocolate.

Wondering what Peaberries are?
Peaberry, also known as caracoli, is a type of coffee bean. Normally the fruit of the coffee plant develops as two halves of a bean within a single cherry, but sometimes only one of the two seeds gets fertilized so there is nothing to flatten it. This oval (or pea-shaped) bean is known as Peaberry. Typically around 5% of all coffee beans harvested are of this form.

Peaberry beans roast differently from the corresponding flat berry beans, hence to ensure an even roast, in high grade coffee, peaberry beans are separated.

Peaberry beans are widely reputed to roast better than flat berries, being said to roast more evenly, because of their rounder shape minimizes sharp edges, and rolls about the roasting chamber more easily. However, some sources claim that the effect is minor, and that the major benefit of peaberry beans is that they have been carefully selected, which is essential for optimal quality, regardless of bean shape.

The only case that can be made for a real “Peaberry difference” that affects the cup is the way a peaberry tends to behave in the roast chamber. In a fluid bed roaster it will “roll” easier and rotate better in the hot air stream. In a drum or air roaster, it will transfer heat a little better from the exterior to interior of the bean due to the fact that peaberries usually have higher bean density. But these factors have a minor influence on the final cup results.

Thank you Wikipedia.

Well, Dizzy Bone just killed the game again holla atcha boy whaaat?

You see, I, Damien Zielinski, "the Fat Villain," just discovered a brand new grooming technique to pull the most honey-creamingest ejacula* that coffee could ever be. It's a synthesis of the Tran-Spoon-Chop and the Scott Rao Dogbone Dig, and it's been murdering the morning army like 300.

I call it the Golden Comet Circle Flex, and it involves using the round DOSING CHAMBER lid that nobody ever uses for anything, usually. Then, when the 'bed' of coffee grounds in the filter looks like it was lovestruck by a divinely proportioned asteroid sphere**, I let the scimitar-bevelled U.S. STANDARD tamp slide sexually into the filter and Bammo, lock and load, and get this- DON'T PRE-INFUSE***. Then I pull a shot better than Katie, Ben, Matt, Doug, Neil, Robin, Alex, or any of those other dudes could EVER do, put together, on steroids****. Then YOU drink it and it goes straight to your pants. Fifty thousand points, right???? A million.






*noun
**Michael Crichton
***natural wetness factor effect
****Not in a million years, if it was 1999, if their lives depended on it, if their plane was going down, if there was no tomorrow, if their collective baby was trapped in a locked Subaru.

Ben's last shift is today, bye Ben, no Ben, NO!