Sunday, February 01, 2009
Well, Dizzy Bone just killed the game again holla atcha boy whaaat?
You see, I, Damien Zielinski, "the Fat Villain," just discovered a brand new grooming technique to pull the most honey-creamingest ejacula* that coffee could ever be. It's a synthesis of the Tran-Spoon-Chop and the Scott Rao Dogbone Dig, and it's been murdering the morning army like 300.
I call it the Golden Comet Circle Flex, and it involves using the round DOSING CHAMBER lid that nobody ever uses for anything, usually. Then, when the 'bed' of coffee grounds in the filter looks like it was lovestruck by a divinely proportioned asteroid sphere**, I let the scimitar-bevelled U.S. STANDARD tamp slide sexually into the filter and Bammo, lock and load, and get this- DON'T PRE-INFUSE***. Then I pull a shot better than Katie, Ben, Matt, Doug, Neil, Robin, Alex, or any of those other dudes could EVER do, put together, on steroids****. Then YOU drink it and it goes straight to your pants. Fifty thousand points, right???? A million.
***natural wetness factor effect
****Not in a million years, if it was 1999, if their lives depended on it, if their plane was going down, if there was no tomorrow, if their collective baby was trapped in a locked Subaru.