"Well dudes, if these snuggly unicorns don't make you all warm and fuzzy-feeling (you soul-less scoundrel), then don't worry cause I got some fancy news that will make you all happy and stuff:
Mercury is an unstoppable crazy train of incredible savage goodness, and it's getting more off-the-rails every day. Evidence? Glad you asked:
1) Intelligentsia has landed. We're currently brewing the Black Cat and Kid-O around the clock (while we're open, anyway), and both of them are outstanding. I'm drinking a delicious shot of the roasty and refined Black Cat as I write this dribble, and am I enjoying it? You betcha!
2) We got a new refurbished Ditting grinder that absolutely grinds anything we put into it. If that doesn't sound exciting, then you haven't seen this thing. Oh, buddy.
3) Robert Farmer's astonishing artwork is now hanging on our walls, and I pretty much don't care where you live- it's really worth the trip out here just to see it. A surrealist romp through a dizzying postmodern world of symbols, Farmer's technically stunning Last Supper series reconfigures everlasting icons within the context of an era characterized increasingly by transience and interchangeable cliches. The result is a fascinating and wonderfully fun juxtaposition that proliferates new meanings while calling into question the very connections we tend to force between the signifier and the signified.
Well, that's what I get out of it anyway. Come see the pieces already, so we can wax art.
4) Alice Berg still works here, and she gets better every day. So you need to come back every day even if you already think you know how awesome she is.
I love Mercury. It makes me really happy. Thanks for reading what I have to say."