"This is going to save my life," a sleepy-eyed Mercury regular was heard to remark, as he gazed queasily into the crema atop his americano.

"We save lives every day," came Alice Berg's uncreative reply.

Well, today it was literally true: a distressed bluebottle housefly was caught wallowing about in the Used Spoon Water, and after it was brought to my, Damien Elmore James Zielinski's, attention, by a concerned passerby, the Brave Little Man was promptly rescued from the scum, and given a dry piece of paper towel to dry off his wings and legs.

That was 10 minutes ago, and as we speak the Little Trooper is resting up. A bad scare and a few bumps, but it looks like the little feller is GOING TO BE ALRIGHT.

I'm Damien Zielinski, and this is The News.